Where exactly are adults supposed to go?
Not to work. Not home. Not to a restaurant where sitting down immediately begins a financial transaction. Not to a bar where staying usually means buying another drink.
Just somewhere to be.
There’s a term for this: the third place.
Home is the first place. Work is the second. Third places are the cafés, libraries, parks, community centres, bookshops and neighbourhood spaces where people can gather without needing a particularly important reason.
And we seem to be losing them.
Everything Requires a Purchase
Technically, there are plenty of places to go.
But increasingly, going somewhere means becoming a customer.
Want to see a friend? Get dinner.
Want to leave the house? Go shopping.
Want to meet people? Pay for a class, buy a ticket or join something.
When nearly every social space becomes commercial space, simply participating in public life starts requiring disposable income.
Then we wonder why adulthood feels lonely.
Adults Need Somewhere to Loiter
Friendship often grows through repeated, ordinary contact.
The person you keep seeing at the café.
The neighbour with the ridiculous dog.
The familiar face at the library.
Eventually someone says hello.
Community doesn't always begin with an organised event. Sometimes it begins because people have somewhere to regularly exist together.
We've become strangely uncomfortable with that.
Everything needs a purpose.
We're networking. Exercising. Dining. Running errands.
Apparently, adults cannot simply sit somewhere for two hours without developing an objective.
I would like to formally reintroduce loitering with dignity.
Read. Talk. Play cards. People-watch. Bring your knitting. Do absolutely nothing impressive.
Maybe Loneliness Isn't Entirely a Personal Problem
We're constantly told to put ourselves out there.
Make friends. Build community. Find your people.
But where?
Libraries and parks remain some of the few places where you can exist without immediately being expected to spend money.
We need more of that.
Because perhaps we haven't simply forgotten how to connect.
Perhaps we've removed many of the places where connection naturally happens.
Friendship needs time.
Community needs repetition.
Belonging needs somewhere to happen.
Sometimes people simply need somewhere to be.