There are few phrases more convenient than “That’s just how I am.”
I’m blunt. That’s just how I am.
I don’t apologize. That’s just how I am.
I disappear when things get difficult, say whatever I want and refuse to communicate like an adult.
Apparently, that’s just how I am.
Except sometimes “that’s just how I am” really means “I’ve decided everyone else should adapt so I don’t have to grow.”
Of course we all have personality traits, quirks and things about ourselves that probably aren’t changing anytime soon.
But personality and poor behavior are not the same thing.
Being naturally direct doesn’t mean you can’t learn kindness. Being independent doesn’t excuse never showing up for people. Having a temper doesn’t give you permission to make everyone else uncomfortable.
Growth doesn’t require becoming an entirely different person.
It requires being able to look at yourself occasionally and say, Well, that particular bit could use some work.
You’re allowed to be unapologetically yourself.
Just make sure the thing you’re refusing to apologize for is actually your personality and not a behavior everyone around you has been politely surviving.
“That’s just how I am” should be the beginning of self-awareness.
Not the end of the conversation.
